I recently listened to a pod cast by speaker and author David Nour (www.relationshipecenomics.net). In his pod cast, Mr. Nour included factors that inhibit networking success when business people attend networking functions. He was addressing issues when people say “networking does not work”.
I would like to add to Mr. Nour’s message that networking is not for everyone. If networking is a comfortable place to build relationships then keep up the good work. However there are people out there that absolutely frightened at the concept of networking. They understand the concept and they see the value. But these people just are not comfortable in a networking atmosphere. They cannot introduce themselves without feeling faint and nauseous (ok, I am a bit dramatic here!) and extremely uncomfortable.
Since relationship building is about getting comfortable with others, we need to understand what can help make us feel comfortable AND how to help our shy friends feel better and at ease when applying networking techniques.
For example, once I met a woman who attended a women's conference to learn more about how to apply herself as a networker. As she became involved in a conversation with another conference attendee and she commented on how there were a couple of people she wished she could walk up to and introduce herself. But instead she felt nervous and completely frozen. She said she felt like she was intruding. This is a typical reason felt by business people and you can see how it inhibits any productive networking opportunities.
Here is something to consider if you or someone you know experience this same problem. The uncomfortable are made comfortable by helping others. It is just a part of their behavior style. But with a little coaching or mentoring, even an uncomfortable networker can put an effective networking strategy into place.
A "buddy system" is a great way for people to be more comfortable when wanting to meet new people. The more experienced networker can introduce their companion to everyone he/she knows at the event. Another opportunity to get comfortable networking is to be a volunteer at the function. Sign-in tables, greeting attendees, escorting people to where they want to go, handing out goodies, are all ways someone can help out others but can also network at the same time.
So the next time you get a “no” when you ask someone to accompany you to a networking event, consider that they may not be comfortable in that arena. Making them feel comfortable will help to encourage them to step out of their comfort zone and hopefully engage in a positive networking experience!
Annette Wray
annette@annettewray.com
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
Kids Get Overwhelmed Too!
Periodically I get the priviledge of working with young kids, elementary school age on up, and help them develop positive communication skills. If you can get them to trust you, then they are more willing to share their feelings and ask for help.
Recently I was working with a middle school dance team and the girls had been practicing their routines for over two months. This particular day they were preparing for their first performance on the football field in a couple of hours. Energy was high, as was their anxiety! I can tell you these girls worked hard on their routines to get it perfect.
However on this particular day, the first performance day, one of the girls just was not putting her energy into the practice. Now she had already complained of some shoulder pain and leg pain, but I still saw her able to smile and cut up with the other girls periodically so I new the pain was not that bad. After a few reminders to her to pick up her energy level while performing, she just could not get it together.
Now previously, the director of the dance team had already informed me that this dancer was "in trouble" with her parents because the dancer was showing resistance to committing to this dance team. Understandably, as parents, we want to instill in our kids that once you make a committment to an activity, you must see it through - be a team player.
With all this information, I took the student aside and sat down next to her in a quite room and asked her about her "ailments". She said she was just achy but otherwise ok. So I then asked her about how she felt about being in trouble with her parents and I tried not to pry as best as I could. As first she said it was no big deal, but she looked as me and saw my expression of "please don't fib". And sure enough she shared with me how overwhelmed she felt with school, homework, projects, and responsibilities at home, not to mention practicing for the dance team. I think we can all relate that when there is too much on our plates, we begin to shut down. We don't want to disappoint anyone but the energy just seems to have been sucked out of our bodies and we have no motivation to do anything.
This dancer was feeling this pressure physically (achy joint pains) and emotionally (unable to focus). And because the field performance in a coupls of hours needed her participation to be successful, here is what we were able to do for her to regain her focus.
I had the student get 5 small pieces of paper and I asked her to write down one pending task, project, or committment that was expected of her on each piece. I made sure that the dance team obligation was on one of them. Then I asked her to place all 5 pieces in front of her and take a good look at them. I asked her to prioritize the 5 pieces of paper in order of importance in getting the tasks completed.
The next step I asked the student to complete was to pick paper #1 (the dance team performance) and put all the other pieces of paper in a small envelope. This, I told her, represented how we need to mentally view our tasks at hand. Since the dance team performance had the highest priority at that time, then the performance was what she needed to keep in her head and be focused on. I asked her to take a few minutes to mentally picture herself performing the routine and to try to "feel" what energy she would need in order to pull off a fantastic performance. She was not to think of any of the other tasks that were in the envelope until later.
I asked the dancer if completing the performance would make her parents happy. She said yes. Then I asked her if completing the performance would make her happy. She said yes. Then I asked the final question. Would thinking of any other responsibilities right now help get them completed, right now? She said no. Then the dancer smiled at me and said, "What a relief!"
That dancer along with the rest of the team not only performed beautifully, but they all had a great time together!
So the next time you feel overwhelmed and cannot seems to regain focus, try to write down and prioritize the more important projects you have and work on them one at a time! It will prevent you from "burnout"!
A wise man once told me that it is better to submit quality work on one task than mediocre work on multiple tasks.
Recently I was working with a middle school dance team and the girls had been practicing their routines for over two months. This particular day they were preparing for their first performance on the football field in a couple of hours. Energy was high, as was their anxiety! I can tell you these girls worked hard on their routines to get it perfect.
However on this particular day, the first performance day, one of the girls just was not putting her energy into the practice. Now she had already complained of some shoulder pain and leg pain, but I still saw her able to smile and cut up with the other girls periodically so I new the pain was not that bad. After a few reminders to her to pick up her energy level while performing, she just could not get it together.
Now previously, the director of the dance team had already informed me that this dancer was "in trouble" with her parents because the dancer was showing resistance to committing to this dance team. Understandably, as parents, we want to instill in our kids that once you make a committment to an activity, you must see it through - be a team player.
With all this information, I took the student aside and sat down next to her in a quite room and asked her about her "ailments". She said she was just achy but otherwise ok. So I then asked her about how she felt about being in trouble with her parents and I tried not to pry as best as I could. As first she said it was no big deal, but she looked as me and saw my expression of "please don't fib". And sure enough she shared with me how overwhelmed she felt with school, homework, projects, and responsibilities at home, not to mention practicing for the dance team. I think we can all relate that when there is too much on our plates, we begin to shut down. We don't want to disappoint anyone but the energy just seems to have been sucked out of our bodies and we have no motivation to do anything.
This dancer was feeling this pressure physically (achy joint pains) and emotionally (unable to focus). And because the field performance in a coupls of hours needed her participation to be successful, here is what we were able to do for her to regain her focus.
I had the student get 5 small pieces of paper and I asked her to write down one pending task, project, or committment that was expected of her on each piece. I made sure that the dance team obligation was on one of them. Then I asked her to place all 5 pieces in front of her and take a good look at them. I asked her to prioritize the 5 pieces of paper in order of importance in getting the tasks completed.
The next step I asked the student to complete was to pick paper #1 (the dance team performance) and put all the other pieces of paper in a small envelope. This, I told her, represented how we need to mentally view our tasks at hand. Since the dance team performance had the highest priority at that time, then the performance was what she needed to keep in her head and be focused on. I asked her to take a few minutes to mentally picture herself performing the routine and to try to "feel" what energy she would need in order to pull off a fantastic performance. She was not to think of any of the other tasks that were in the envelope until later.
I asked the dancer if completing the performance would make her parents happy. She said yes. Then I asked her if completing the performance would make her happy. She said yes. Then I asked the final question. Would thinking of any other responsibilities right now help get them completed, right now? She said no. Then the dancer smiled at me and said, "What a relief!"
That dancer along with the rest of the team not only performed beautifully, but they all had a great time together!
So the next time you feel overwhelmed and cannot seems to regain focus, try to write down and prioritize the more important projects you have and work on them one at a time! It will prevent you from "burnout"!
A wise man once told me that it is better to submit quality work on one task than mediocre work on multiple tasks.
Bringing Positive Influence Back into Action
The economists say we will not see solid positive growth of our businesses for many years to come? Isn't everyone tired of feeling the pressure of our nation's economic problems impacting our businesses? Decreased sales, increased expenses, what a downer!
Unfortunately what comes with this pressure is the potential for negativity to creep in and affect inter-office communication and personal relationships to a point where there is more "venting" than "motivating" in the workplace. Just like the saying goes, "one bad apple can spoil the bunch", it becomes difficult not to let another's frustrations affect our mood, outlook, and even performance on the job. Worse yet, many times people do not "see" the effects of their attitude until damage has occurred and co-workers too become moody, bitter, and work performance begin to rapidly decline.
It is up to us as business leaders to bring positive influence to our workplaces before it becomes too late. Daily we must be able to bring incentives and share postive strategies to help our co-workers focus on their jobs and goals. It becomes our repsonsibility to essentially be immune to the pending emotional breakdown that negative attitudes can cause and turn situations around that provide an atmosphere of enthusiasm and motivation.
How can you do this? Ask yourself this one question: what one occurance in the past year has positively influenced your workday? Was it recognition? Skill development? Maybe it was a positive influence you had over a co-worker? And as a result of this one influential element, how did the result make you feel? I bet it produced one if not more of the following:
1. Put a smile on your face. Made someone else smile too?
2. Made you feel you accomplished something important.
3. Energized you.
4. __________________ (You fill in the blank)
We need to remember that which positively inlfuenced us in the past. These are what made us move forward and stay focused. Now ask your co-workers the same question - what one occurance positively influenced them within the past year?
With good communication skills, we need to remind others about the power of positive thinking and put those actions that worked in the past back into action. I guarantee that focusing on the negative aspects of a job or project with have 0% chance of motivating others toward a desired result.
Instead of duplicating negative actions (excessive negative chatter, procrastination, poor quality performance), instead, duplicate the positive ones (create a focus board, compliment a co-worker, share ideas, ask for another's opinion). For instance, by asking for a co-worker's opinion on a job related project, you will show your co-worker you value their opinion and it can instill trust and credibility between the two of you. This feeling of "being valued" is very motivational!
So give it a try! You may be surprised how this type of motivational behavior is very contagious!
Unfortunately what comes with this pressure is the potential for negativity to creep in and affect inter-office communication and personal relationships to a point where there is more "venting" than "motivating" in the workplace. Just like the saying goes, "one bad apple can spoil the bunch", it becomes difficult not to let another's frustrations affect our mood, outlook, and even performance on the job. Worse yet, many times people do not "see" the effects of their attitude until damage has occurred and co-workers too become moody, bitter, and work performance begin to rapidly decline.
It is up to us as business leaders to bring positive influence to our workplaces before it becomes too late. Daily we must be able to bring incentives and share postive strategies to help our co-workers focus on their jobs and goals. It becomes our repsonsibility to essentially be immune to the pending emotional breakdown that negative attitudes can cause and turn situations around that provide an atmosphere of enthusiasm and motivation.
How can you do this? Ask yourself this one question: what one occurance in the past year has positively influenced your workday? Was it recognition? Skill development? Maybe it was a positive influence you had over a co-worker? And as a result of this one influential element, how did the result make you feel? I bet it produced one if not more of the following:
1. Put a smile on your face. Made someone else smile too?
2. Made you feel you accomplished something important.
3. Energized you.
4. __________________ (You fill in the blank)
We need to remember that which positively inlfuenced us in the past. These are what made us move forward and stay focused. Now ask your co-workers the same question - what one occurance positively influenced them within the past year?
With good communication skills, we need to remind others about the power of positive thinking and put those actions that worked in the past back into action. I guarantee that focusing on the negative aspects of a job or project with have 0% chance of motivating others toward a desired result.
Instead of duplicating negative actions (excessive negative chatter, procrastination, poor quality performance), instead, duplicate the positive ones (create a focus board, compliment a co-worker, share ideas, ask for another's opinion). For instance, by asking for a co-worker's opinion on a job related project, you will show your co-worker you value their opinion and it can instill trust and credibility between the two of you. This feeling of "being valued" is very motivational!
So give it a try! You may be surprised how this type of motivational behavior is very contagious!
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