Ever have trouble helping others see things your way?
Do you get frustrated because people misunderstand you?
Can't seem to get your point across effectively?
That was how I felt about 11 years ago when I started my own company. I had the motivation to reach my goal and I had people surrounding me who wanted to help me reach that goal. However, defining the actions items to other in order to get there was another story!
Fortunately I was introduced to the DISC Behavior Style assessment and I found a new way to approach others when communicating that was way more effective than what I was doing initially! I also realized things about myself that maybe others say but I was too stubborn to realize - traits that are good in some ways but overbearing to others at times.
I already knew I was a goal-oriented person, but I did not understand why others did not have that drive I had especially when they were business owners too. I desire results and (here is the overbearing part) I desired results NOW! But on the other hand, I do consider my emotional well-being as important and will concentrate on making sure I support the emotional well-being of others with just as much respect.
Well I finally realized that not many people are "wired" the same way as I am. And even though I thought my way was the right way (and maybe it was), I was not considering the needs of others such as their style of decision making or even their concerns when reciprocating thoughts and ideas.
So when I pursued certification as a human behavior consultant, I changed my views on my relationships with my family, co-workers, and colleagues. It became ALL about understanding their needs instead of forcing my needs upon them. I found I worked better with my colleagues when I was able to understand what actions and considerations actually motivated them - I could speak their language (behaviorally speaking!) and accomplish communicating on the same page which benefited all of us instead of just me.
So if you are concerned about the health of your relationships in your personal or business life - consider making some time for a self-discovery! Find out if your perspectives on communicating and engaging with others need some fine tuning and be open to change! You may find out you can be even more productive and easier to relate to if you open yourself to this idea.
Last question - What could you lose if your give DISC training a try?
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Diversity as an Asset, not a Liability
Diversity is such an intriguing topic. It represents inclusivity, variety, and advancement of all kinds. Just consider where would we be today if the diverse groups of people did not come together and work as a team to create this great country of ours! Think about it, not only did our forefathers lay the foundation for future generations to live better lives, they also made some major mistakes along the way and they learned what not to do - all for us!
Unfortunately, though, people don't seem to warm up to the idea of diversity easily when trying to make sense of the differences between people. This is just my observation, but why is it that people, in general, seem to reject the ideas and thoughts of others so quickly - without considering all sides of the situation? For instance, when people are upset or feel insulted, instead of trying to find out why a comment or action was performed in the first place, the emotions run out of control and judgements are placed - many times erroneously.
I guess that is why I have enjoyed learning and practicing communication skill development - we have so much to learn from one another. I want to be "on the same page" as the person I am working with. I want to know why they are upset and what I can do to fix it. Of course, I am not as successful as I would like to be, but as I get older, I realize the value in taking my time to consider what is really happening during stressful situations. I recently was in the emergency room with a family member and I overheard a bit of a commotion in the next room. A husband was arguing with the nurse to give his wife a "bolus" or cocktail of pain killers immediately! And his reasoning was that he knew what was best for his wife since his mother was a RN for 60 years. Unfortunately the nurse became offended by the treatment of the husband and lashed out. And the situation continued for several minutes until security was called. My thoughts about the situation as I was listening to both people argue back and forth, is that I could hear the pain in the husband's voice just wanted relief for his wife who was in pain. He was projecting his - what I call - fear for his wife onto the nurse. I remember wondering if the nurse realized this and if she did, could the situation been turned around if the husband felt understood?
And how does this story relate to diversity? I guess not too much, except that if you want to embrace what different cultures, generations, religions, and so forth have to offer, opening yourself to "listen" - really listen to what others has to offer - it can create healthier, happier relationships with people. Listen to the words as well as the emotions that are put into the conversation. People in general want to feel safe and valued for their opinion - and you never know how much another person from another diverse group can bring to you to help enhance your life too!
Unfortunately, though, people don't seem to warm up to the idea of diversity easily when trying to make sense of the differences between people. This is just my observation, but why is it that people, in general, seem to reject the ideas and thoughts of others so quickly - without considering all sides of the situation? For instance, when people are upset or feel insulted, instead of trying to find out why a comment or action was performed in the first place, the emotions run out of control and judgements are placed - many times erroneously.
I guess that is why I have enjoyed learning and practicing communication skill development - we have so much to learn from one another. I want to be "on the same page" as the person I am working with. I want to know why they are upset and what I can do to fix it. Of course, I am not as successful as I would like to be, but as I get older, I realize the value in taking my time to consider what is really happening during stressful situations. I recently was in the emergency room with a family member and I overheard a bit of a commotion in the next room. A husband was arguing with the nurse to give his wife a "bolus" or cocktail of pain killers immediately! And his reasoning was that he knew what was best for his wife since his mother was a RN for 60 years. Unfortunately the nurse became offended by the treatment of the husband and lashed out. And the situation continued for several minutes until security was called. My thoughts about the situation as I was listening to both people argue back and forth, is that I could hear the pain in the husband's voice just wanted relief for his wife who was in pain. He was projecting his - what I call - fear for his wife onto the nurse. I remember wondering if the nurse realized this and if she did, could the situation been turned around if the husband felt understood?
And how does this story relate to diversity? I guess not too much, except that if you want to embrace what different cultures, generations, religions, and so forth have to offer, opening yourself to "listen" - really listen to what others has to offer - it can create healthier, happier relationships with people. Listen to the words as well as the emotions that are put into the conversation. People in general want to feel safe and valued for their opinion - and you never know how much another person from another diverse group can bring to you to help enhance your life too!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Diversity has its Moments
It's no wonder why many corporations and industries savor any information they can pass on to their employees concerning diversity in the workplace. Even though this country was founded on basic notions of combining different cultures to create a new "world" for their future generations to survive, today we seem to have forgotten how differences between people can and have contributed positively to our everyday lives. Why it is that we are so quick to place blame and judgement on others just because they are different? Why do we so easily overlook how another person's opinions might just be helpful? Why are we so quick to reject ideas of others?
There has always existed problems in human behavior where people do not like change. And getting them to act on making changes can be like pulling teeth! But funny how many times once the "change" is in place and people have become comfortable, they look back and appreciate what the change has done.
I do not think it can hurt to at least open up our minds to listen to others and their ideas. I am not saying we must agree immediately; but what if we take the time to actively listen, ponder the pros and cons, and then after we have carefully thought out the idea, possibly take a small chance and try something new. We might surprise ourselves. Our fore fathers did just that and that is why our great nation has progressed as much as it has in technology, business, etc.
If nothing else, just actively listening to another person's ideas and thoughts can help us relate to them and it can help them feel valued as a person. Someone has taken the time to stop and hear what they have said. Think about the many teenagers that believe adults do not listen to them. Is this really true? I do not believe today's teens really want you to agree with them - I think they just want to be heard; having someone attentively listen to them helps build their self esteem.
Are you willing to give it a try? Are you ready to open yourself to new ideas and possible new "things" that will help you grow? Not only can you help promote healthy relationships in the workplace, but you can be considered an asset to the business because you are actively involved with making the business environment, and products and services, better and more productive.
There has always existed problems in human behavior where people do not like change. And getting them to act on making changes can be like pulling teeth! But funny how many times once the "change" is in place and people have become comfortable, they look back and appreciate what the change has done.
I do not think it can hurt to at least open up our minds to listen to others and their ideas. I am not saying we must agree immediately; but what if we take the time to actively listen, ponder the pros and cons, and then after we have carefully thought out the idea, possibly take a small chance and try something new. We might surprise ourselves. Our fore fathers did just that and that is why our great nation has progressed as much as it has in technology, business, etc.
If nothing else, just actively listening to another person's ideas and thoughts can help us relate to them and it can help them feel valued as a person. Someone has taken the time to stop and hear what they have said. Think about the many teenagers that believe adults do not listen to them. Is this really true? I do not believe today's teens really want you to agree with them - I think they just want to be heard; having someone attentively listen to them helps build their self esteem.
Are you willing to give it a try? Are you ready to open yourself to new ideas and possible new "things" that will help you grow? Not only can you help promote healthy relationships in the workplace, but you can be considered an asset to the business because you are actively involved with making the business environment, and products and services, better and more productive.
Monday, December 13, 2010
The Difference between a Bribe and a Reward
Here is a great perspective concerning ways to motivate others. What is the difference between a bribe and a reward? Dr. Robert Rohm is an expert in personality and behavior styles. Here is what he wrote in his most recent newsletter:
"I have often shared experiences with you from my days as a school principal. I enjoyed that part of my vocational experience very much. It was always a delight to interact with teachers, students, and their parents. I especially enjoyed the children - probably because I am just a grown child myself!
In our school I created three honor rolls in which students could participate: the academic honor roll, for students who made all A's and B's on their report card; one for good conduct, for students who consistently showed an obedient, cooperative nature; and one for good attitude. (The reason I differentiated between the good conduct honor roll and the good attitude honor roll is that I quickly discovered that it was possible for some students to have good conduct, but to have a poor attitude. I encouraged them to have both.)
At the end of each grading period, we would publish the three honor rolls in our school newspaper. We would also announce them over the P.A. system and post them in the hallways. We tried to make it a very good experience so that the students would try to achieve new levels of success.
On one particular occasion I was talking to a parent who said, "Why are you always trying to bribe these children? Seems to me that every time I turn around you are offering another bribe to get them to do what they ought to do in the first place!" Because I had some very good mentors along the way toward my educational career, I had a good answer for that parent. And, just in case you have ever had the same thoughts, I would like to share my answer with you so that you can put this issue to rest once and for all.
I explained to the parent that the dictionary definition of a bribe is payment used to corrupt the behavior of another person. On the other hand, the definition of reward is payment or recognition for service or merit. In other words, for doing what is right. I jokingly asked the parent if he expected to receive a paycheck at the end of the week for the work he had done. When he answered in the affirmative, I asked if he considered that paycheck a bribe or a reward. After thinking about it for a minute, he said, "I see what you mean. There really is nothing wrong with rewarding someone for doing something right. It is not a bribe after all; it actually is a reward."
That way of thinking has been a hallmark of the way I operate on a daily basis. Don't you want to be rewarded when you do something well? I doubt very seriously if anyone would work forty hours per week for a company that paid its employees with a simple pat on the back. I think you want more than that. I think you want a paycheck. I think you want a reward!
That is not to say that we should not sometimes do something just for the sake of doing it. I believe that it is important that we do what is right regardless of the outcome or circumstances. I am just trying to differentiate and delineate between two issues that are very close to each other. When a person is bribed to do something, there is an ulterior motive and a deception involved. But, on the other hand, when a person is rewarded for doing something, it is usually open, honest and considered to be a noteworthy and worthwhile accomplishment. There is nothing wrong with the fact that we need more than just recognition for our efforts. And, it is okay when we are rewarded publicly for what we do.
Many times we parents think that our children should learn to do chores around the house just for the sake of doing chores. And, it is important that children learn self-discipline, character and integrity as they grow up. But, I don't believe there is anything wrong with giving a child an allowance for doing a good job as they learn a strong work ethic. As they endeavor to fulfill their job responsibilities, they should have the opportunity to be rewarded for their work as well. Of course, it is up to each individual parent to determine how much they will reward their children and what kind of rewards they will give them, but please do not think it is ever a bribe to pay your child to learn how to work hard, have a good attitude, and display good conduct. All of those things constitute a successful life and to be rewarded for that is certainly no bribe.
Mark Twain once said that the difference between the right word and almost right word is the difference between lightening and a lightening bug. I think there is that much difference between a bribe and a reward. Maybe it is time to sit down and think of new ways to reward your own children or those who work with you.
Perhaps you need to learn to reward yourself as well. When you are working toward a goal, decide on an appropriate reward beforehand so that you have something to look forward to once that goal has been achieved. It is a worthy thing to set goals, accomplish them, and then to be rewarded for them.
I know I want to be rewarded for the good things I do in my life and I would be willing to bet the same is true of you! Right?"
Robert A. Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.
"I have often shared experiences with you from my days as a school principal. I enjoyed that part of my vocational experience very much. It was always a delight to interact with teachers, students, and their parents. I especially enjoyed the children - probably because I am just a grown child myself!
In our school I created three honor rolls in which students could participate: the academic honor roll, for students who made all A's and B's on their report card; one for good conduct, for students who consistently showed an obedient, cooperative nature; and one for good attitude. (The reason I differentiated between the good conduct honor roll and the good attitude honor roll is that I quickly discovered that it was possible for some students to have good conduct, but to have a poor attitude. I encouraged them to have both.)
At the end of each grading period, we would publish the three honor rolls in our school newspaper. We would also announce them over the P.A. system and post them in the hallways. We tried to make it a very good experience so that the students would try to achieve new levels of success.
On one particular occasion I was talking to a parent who said, "Why are you always trying to bribe these children? Seems to me that every time I turn around you are offering another bribe to get them to do what they ought to do in the first place!" Because I had some very good mentors along the way toward my educational career, I had a good answer for that parent. And, just in case you have ever had the same thoughts, I would like to share my answer with you so that you can put this issue to rest once and for all.
I explained to the parent that the dictionary definition of a bribe is payment used to corrupt the behavior of another person. On the other hand, the definition of reward is payment or recognition for service or merit. In other words, for doing what is right. I jokingly asked the parent if he expected to receive a paycheck at the end of the week for the work he had done. When he answered in the affirmative, I asked if he considered that paycheck a bribe or a reward. After thinking about it for a minute, he said, "I see what you mean. There really is nothing wrong with rewarding someone for doing something right. It is not a bribe after all; it actually is a reward."
That way of thinking has been a hallmark of the way I operate on a daily basis. Don't you want to be rewarded when you do something well? I doubt very seriously if anyone would work forty hours per week for a company that paid its employees with a simple pat on the back. I think you want more than that. I think you want a paycheck. I think you want a reward!
That is not to say that we should not sometimes do something just for the sake of doing it. I believe that it is important that we do what is right regardless of the outcome or circumstances. I am just trying to differentiate and delineate between two issues that are very close to each other. When a person is bribed to do something, there is an ulterior motive and a deception involved. But, on the other hand, when a person is rewarded for doing something, it is usually open, honest and considered to be a noteworthy and worthwhile accomplishment. There is nothing wrong with the fact that we need more than just recognition for our efforts. And, it is okay when we are rewarded publicly for what we do.
Many times we parents think that our children should learn to do chores around the house just for the sake of doing chores. And, it is important that children learn self-discipline, character and integrity as they grow up. But, I don't believe there is anything wrong with giving a child an allowance for doing a good job as they learn a strong work ethic. As they endeavor to fulfill their job responsibilities, they should have the opportunity to be rewarded for their work as well. Of course, it is up to each individual parent to determine how much they will reward their children and what kind of rewards they will give them, but please do not think it is ever a bribe to pay your child to learn how to work hard, have a good attitude, and display good conduct. All of those things constitute a successful life and to be rewarded for that is certainly no bribe.
Mark Twain once said that the difference between the right word and almost right word is the difference between lightening and a lightening bug. I think there is that much difference between a bribe and a reward. Maybe it is time to sit down and think of new ways to reward your own children or those who work with you.
Perhaps you need to learn to reward yourself as well. When you are working toward a goal, decide on an appropriate reward beforehand so that you have something to look forward to once that goal has been achieved. It is a worthy thing to set goals, accomplish them, and then to be rewarded for them.
I know I want to be rewarded for the good things I do in my life and I would be willing to bet the same is true of you! Right?"
Robert A. Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
The Best Gift Ever
Tis the season to think of our friends and family during the holiday season. What gift should I choose? What would they want as a gift? Sometimes the answer does not come so easily, right?
Then comes the financial obligation to gift giving. How much should I spend? Etc. Etc.
The best gift to give that someone special actually cannot be found in any department store or mall or even online. This gift is something no one else can go get for you.
If you spend any amount of time thinking about what to give as gifts this year, consider the one item that cannot be replaced or made up with something else in its place.
Time. It is the cheapest, most valuable gift you can give anyone and it is the most appreciated. In today's world where we are spending less and less time with the people that mean the most to us, time has become a commodity that is quite valuable. The trick is finding extra "time" in our schedules to free up to make other plans.
But ask yourself - do you really try your best to free up time for those special people in your life? Do you find yourself making excuses for things that maybe you accidentally are forgetting are more valuable than other elements? Do you need to rethink your priority list? What parts of your day can be redone to save time?
There are lots of help out there to help us rethink our activities and to help us be more effecient. Since there are a finite number of hours we can work with, we must rely on ourselves to refocus and put forth more energy to what is most important in our lives - family and friends. I know you have heard of the phrase "stop and smell the roses". When was the last time you did so? Don't wait until it is too late!
So this year, work on the gift that keeps us socially and emotionally healthy - give time doing things you and others enjoy doing and use it to capture life long memories! Dinner, movies, traveling, visiting, - just take any time you have to spend with others! (And you may find that to be the best gift ever!)
Then comes the financial obligation to gift giving. How much should I spend? Etc. Etc.
The best gift to give that someone special actually cannot be found in any department store or mall or even online. This gift is something no one else can go get for you.
If you spend any amount of time thinking about what to give as gifts this year, consider the one item that cannot be replaced or made up with something else in its place.
Time. It is the cheapest, most valuable gift you can give anyone and it is the most appreciated. In today's world where we are spending less and less time with the people that mean the most to us, time has become a commodity that is quite valuable. The trick is finding extra "time" in our schedules to free up to make other plans.
But ask yourself - do you really try your best to free up time for those special people in your life? Do you find yourself making excuses for things that maybe you accidentally are forgetting are more valuable than other elements? Do you need to rethink your priority list? What parts of your day can be redone to save time?
There are lots of help out there to help us rethink our activities and to help us be more effecient. Since there are a finite number of hours we can work with, we must rely on ourselves to refocus and put forth more energy to what is most important in our lives - family and friends. I know you have heard of the phrase "stop and smell the roses". When was the last time you did so? Don't wait until it is too late!
So this year, work on the gift that keeps us socially and emotionally healthy - give time doing things you and others enjoy doing and use it to capture life long memories! Dinner, movies, traveling, visiting, - just take any time you have to spend with others! (And you may find that to be the best gift ever!)
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Removing Negative Self-talk
One of the worst enemies of a business networker is THEMSELVES! Myself included, the negative self-talk has ruined an evening and forget the fact I even thought about goals to accomplish! I always knew the value of networking and I understand the principles of how to work a room. But I cannot tell you how many times I have allowed myself to bail on opportunities that have stared me in the face at an event because I allowed my social fears to get the best of me!
The funny thing is that ALL of us have been networking most of our adult lives! It is definitely not a new concept! How many weddings, showers, kids events, sporting events, reunions, birthday parties, etc. have we attended over the years? Do you realize you have been networking? Networking is simply a way to connect with others and develop relationships that will be beneficial to both parties.
The opportunities that networking brings to business settings can be maximized if you set goals for yourself. How many people would I like to meet? Who would be a good contact for me? Who would be a good source of referrals for me? How can I develop relationships with key people? Who can I help in their business? So on and so forth...
For me, knowing that everyone else has been in the negative self-talk mode at one time or another helps me deal with it. I need to reassure myself that I do have more to offer others than I think. And the same more than likely goes for my colleagues.
So get over your inhibitions, and network!
The funny thing is that ALL of us have been networking most of our adult lives! It is definitely not a new concept! How many weddings, showers, kids events, sporting events, reunions, birthday parties, etc. have we attended over the years? Do you realize you have been networking? Networking is simply a way to connect with others and develop relationships that will be beneficial to both parties.
The opportunities that networking brings to business settings can be maximized if you set goals for yourself. How many people would I like to meet? Who would be a good contact for me? Who would be a good source of referrals for me? How can I develop relationships with key people? Who can I help in their business? So on and so forth...
For me, knowing that everyone else has been in the negative self-talk mode at one time or another helps me deal with it. I need to reassure myself that I do have more to offer others than I think. And the same more than likely goes for my colleagues.
So get over your inhibitions, and network!
Sunday, October 17, 2010
The Challenges of Diversity in the Workplace
Diversity brings on age-old challenges that should be embraced, not shunned. As groups of people from different cultures and generations continue to form our society today, we bring together a plethora of ideas, experiences, and innovation that continues to shape our world. The challenge comes when we cannot overcome the barriers we face with diversity - we are faced with fears of miscommunication and limited knowledge of our neighbors to the point of hindering relationships. How much productivity is lost because off generational and cultural diversity? How many relationships are broken because of miscommunication and/or misunderstandings? We can discover how to face the hopes and fears of diversity to create a positive work environment and effective strategic alliances. Simply, to grow our businesses we must embrace diversity. We need to work together to open up communication and get an insight to diversity that will help us focus on building healthy relationships with others.
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