A few months ago I wrote on this blog about how practicing doesn't necessarily make perfect, but it does make permanent. And if you are practicing any skill, whether it be a musical instrument, public speaking, trade, exercise, etc. if you practice the "wrong" way of doing it, then you will continue to perform that task with errors that could potentially have harmful effects. For instance, if you continually pick up objects by bending over with your back instead of bending your knees and then lifting, serious injury can occur.
I think the same goes for our use of technology. Technology is something we can all agree that it serves a very useful purpose in our everyday lives. Technology can expedite communication, improve relationships with old and new friends, and it can improve the production, sales, and output of a business.
However, if we use technology applications without considering how it affects different aspects of life, than technology can cause harm.
I watch people, kids especially, when they text or if they are on social media sites, and they "chat" with others using what looks like hieroglyphics sometimes - but the messages and the topics are short and sweet. What happened to good old conversation? What happened to the art of debate or encouraging others to think and have an opinion about today's world news? It's bad enough the art of verbal communication and face to face communication is diminishing, but is the use of certain types of technology or social media applications hindering our attention span and focus as well? I wonder if the practice of fast talk and superficial conversation is permanently harming our ability to explore our world in an intelligent and thought provoking manner. Maybe it is those "things" in our society that make life easier; or it is actually making life lazier? I apologize, but nothing good can come from lazy. Granted, everyone needs a bit of laziness to take a break sometimes, but when the practice of lazy becomes permanent, only bad will result.
As a parent I know I am responsible for what my kids have access to and teaching them the proper ways to use technology. More importantly, I know it is my job to know when to say "no". As an adult, I must also practice what I preach. Am I off-base here?
I love researching topics of communication that include hearing vs. listening. Listening skills are such an essential part of us, and can never be taken for granted. I ask myself daily, did I actively listen to my colleagues? Did I get all the information I needed so I could make an educated decision? Or did I just selectively listen to the other person because of distractions. Hmmm.... practice makes permanent....
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Give More Value to your Business
What makes you unique in your business? Why should I do business with you? I know with some of you, you will answer right away "personal service!". Unfortunately, since there is so many people claiming that same answer, it actually is no longer "unique".
I'll tell you what is unique though - an experienced "listener". How many times are we sold products and services and something somewhere got screwed up and had to be redone? How many times have people "dropped the ball" and could not deliver what was promised? I'll tell you, if you work at being a better listener, then you will be able to decrease miscommunication errors by 50%!
In my experience, it has been those individuals who truly want to provide great personal service, but are horrible listeners that repeatedly cause problems within the business. And these problems cost a business thousands of dollars considering the time and effort it take to fix the problems.
So how do you become a good listener? Well the first step is to increase your self awareness and determine if you are a person who maybe talks a bit more than other people. Most people actually want to do the talking and share stories, information, etc. Let them! You will notice when you listen more to others, you will learn not only about the needs of your clients, but you may also be able to determine if there are others possible referrals for your business or referrals you can pass on to your business partners. For instance, a telephone equipment vendor was chatting with his customer after finishing a service call and he asked the customer how he advertised his business (he was a plumber). That one question sparked a 10-minute monologue how the client was so unhappy with the rising cost of advertising and how his current advertising agency was not performing their services as promised. Of course this led the telephone system vendor to be able to recommend a colleague specializing in radio advertising and it promoted another sale for the telephone vendor when he proposed a customized on-hold messaging commercial (a product of the telephone vendor) to promote the plumber's services when callers were put on hold. By spending extra time and listening the the woes of his client, a few businesses were able to help each other.
Another way to become a good listener, is to recognize when you are engaged in a conversation with someone, that not only curb your urge to interrupt, but also do not begin to think of responses while the other person is talking. Think about it, especially when someone is complaining, when you begin to think of a response, you tend to miss valuable information being said and that can lead to more problems.
Excellent listening skills should be standard in our businesses, but really it is optional. So here is an opportunity to be unique and bring extra value to your business and to yourself as a person!
I'll tell you what is unique though - an experienced "listener". How many times are we sold products and services and something somewhere got screwed up and had to be redone? How many times have people "dropped the ball" and could not deliver what was promised? I'll tell you, if you work at being a better listener, then you will be able to decrease miscommunication errors by 50%!
In my experience, it has been those individuals who truly want to provide great personal service, but are horrible listeners that repeatedly cause problems within the business. And these problems cost a business thousands of dollars considering the time and effort it take to fix the problems.
So how do you become a good listener? Well the first step is to increase your self awareness and determine if you are a person who maybe talks a bit more than other people. Most people actually want to do the talking and share stories, information, etc. Let them! You will notice when you listen more to others, you will learn not only about the needs of your clients, but you may also be able to determine if there are others possible referrals for your business or referrals you can pass on to your business partners. For instance, a telephone equipment vendor was chatting with his customer after finishing a service call and he asked the customer how he advertised his business (he was a plumber). That one question sparked a 10-minute monologue how the client was so unhappy with the rising cost of advertising and how his current advertising agency was not performing their services as promised. Of course this led the telephone system vendor to be able to recommend a colleague specializing in radio advertising and it promoted another sale for the telephone vendor when he proposed a customized on-hold messaging commercial (a product of the telephone vendor) to promote the plumber's services when callers were put on hold. By spending extra time and listening the the woes of his client, a few businesses were able to help each other.
Another way to become a good listener, is to recognize when you are engaged in a conversation with someone, that not only curb your urge to interrupt, but also do not begin to think of responses while the other person is talking. Think about it, especially when someone is complaining, when you begin to think of a response, you tend to miss valuable information being said and that can lead to more problems.
Excellent listening skills should be standard in our businesses, but really it is optional. So here is an opportunity to be unique and bring extra value to your business and to yourself as a person!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Why "Follow-Up"?
In the referral process, there are two types of “Follow-Up” systems.
1). Follow-up on a given referral from a source/partner.
2). Follow-up on a referral given to a colleague.
Since the success of the referral process depends on the quality of business relationships, choosing quality referral partners and sources is key. Also many businesses experience long term success if their referral marketing plan is consistent. Like any marketing program though, the systems’ success (or not) must be measureable and must be reevaluated periodically.
Don’t think you have time to manage “another” business system? But if the results could add an extra 30-40% more sales to your business, would it be worth it? Each person must answer this for themselves and take into account the amount of time and effort that are willing to commit to the plan.
Similar to traditional marketing, like TV or radio advertising, a commitment time no less than 6-12 months can the result be accurately evaluated. In the referral process, follow-up on referrals is part of the relationship building process while consistent visibility can also build credibility for your self.
1). Follow-up on a given referral from a source/partner: when given a referral from a partner or referral source, some simple etiquette elements include:
How soon do you contact the potential customer?
What information do you need to communicate to the referral? i.e. behavior style, product/service needs
Don’t forget to communicate back to the referral giver – get tips for closing the deal is needed.
Track your results.
Reward your referral partner/source.
2). Follow-up on a referral given to a colleague: when giving a referral, there needs to be more background work done to better ensure the business will close. Business 101: Be Easy to do Business With!
Educate yourself on how to target referrals for your partners/sources. Know what questions to ask to properly assess the needs of the client.
Actively search for referrals. Being proactive for your referral partners helps build credibility.
Ask your clients if they need the services of your referral partners. Pick up on clues such as office renovations, vendor boxes lying around the office, office talk involving complaints about current vendors.
After a need has been established, ask your clients if you can call your referral partner to initiate the introduction (proactivity!)
Facilitate the introduction to encourage a meeting.
Call both the client (to confirm if the referral partner has made timely contact), and referral partner (to make sure you did everything you could to solidify the new relationship. If not, what could you have done differently?
As you can see, these systems require the time and commitment of phone calls and introductions and follow-up communications. But each time you communicate with either client or referral partner, your visibility and efforts build your credibility in their minds. Your presence always stays fresh. Unfortunately, “out of view, out of mind” applies to business relationships so it is up to you to keep in contact.
When referral business closes, ask yourself what parts of the process worked? Could you or your partner done anything to reduce the closing time? Reviewing this information helps refine and solidify future business!
1). Follow-up on a given referral from a source/partner.
2). Follow-up on a referral given to a colleague.
Since the success of the referral process depends on the quality of business relationships, choosing quality referral partners and sources is key. Also many businesses experience long term success if their referral marketing plan is consistent. Like any marketing program though, the systems’ success (or not) must be measureable and must be reevaluated periodically.
Don’t think you have time to manage “another” business system? But if the results could add an extra 30-40% more sales to your business, would it be worth it? Each person must answer this for themselves and take into account the amount of time and effort that are willing to commit to the plan.
Similar to traditional marketing, like TV or radio advertising, a commitment time no less than 6-12 months can the result be accurately evaluated. In the referral process, follow-up on referrals is part of the relationship building process while consistent visibility can also build credibility for your self.
1). Follow-up on a given referral from a source/partner: when given a referral from a partner or referral source, some simple etiquette elements include:
How soon do you contact the potential customer?
What information do you need to communicate to the referral? i.e. behavior style, product/service needs
Don’t forget to communicate back to the referral giver – get tips for closing the deal is needed.
Track your results.
Reward your referral partner/source.
2). Follow-up on a referral given to a colleague: when giving a referral, there needs to be more background work done to better ensure the business will close. Business 101: Be Easy to do Business With!
Educate yourself on how to target referrals for your partners/sources. Know what questions to ask to properly assess the needs of the client.
Actively search for referrals. Being proactive for your referral partners helps build credibility.
Ask your clients if they need the services of your referral partners. Pick up on clues such as office renovations, vendor boxes lying around the office, office talk involving complaints about current vendors.
After a need has been established, ask your clients if you can call your referral partner to initiate the introduction (proactivity!)
Facilitate the introduction to encourage a meeting.
Call both the client (to confirm if the referral partner has made timely contact), and referral partner (to make sure you did everything you could to solidify the new relationship. If not, what could you have done differently?
As you can see, these systems require the time and commitment of phone calls and introductions and follow-up communications. But each time you communicate with either client or referral partner, your visibility and efforts build your credibility in their minds. Your presence always stays fresh. Unfortunately, “out of view, out of mind” applies to business relationships so it is up to you to keep in contact.
When referral business closes, ask yourself what parts of the process worked? Could you or your partner done anything to reduce the closing time? Reviewing this information helps refine and solidify future business!
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Is behavior style training for you?
Ever have trouble helping others see things your way?
Do you get frustrated because people misunderstand you?
Can't seem to get your point across effectively?
That was how I felt about 11 years ago when I started my own company. I had the motivation to reach my goal and I had people surrounding me who wanted to help me reach that goal. However, defining the actions items to other in order to get there was another story!
Fortunately I was introduced to the DISC Behavior Style assessment and I found a new way to approach others when communicating that was way more effective than what I was doing initially! I also realized things about myself that maybe others say but I was too stubborn to realize - traits that are good in some ways but overbearing to others at times.
I already knew I was a goal-oriented person, but I did not understand why others did not have that drive I had especially when they were business owners too. I desire results and (here is the overbearing part) I desired results NOW! But on the other hand, I do consider my emotional well-being as important and will concentrate on making sure I support the emotional well-being of others with just as much respect.
Well I finally realized that not many people are "wired" the same way as I am. And even though I thought my way was the right way (and maybe it was), I was not considering the needs of others such as their style of decision making or even their concerns when reciprocating thoughts and ideas.
So when I pursued certification as a human behavior consultant, I changed my views on my relationships with my family, co-workers, and colleagues. It became ALL about understanding their needs instead of forcing my needs upon them. I found I worked better with my colleagues when I was able to understand what actions and considerations actually motivated them - I could speak their language (behaviorally speaking!) and accomplish communicating on the same page which benefited all of us instead of just me.
So if you are concerned about the health of your relationships in your personal or business life - consider making some time for a self-discovery! Find out if your perspectives on communicating and engaging with others need some fine tuning and be open to change! You may find out you can be even more productive and easier to relate to if you open yourself to this idea.
Last question - What could you lose if your give DISC training a try?
Do you get frustrated because people misunderstand you?
Can't seem to get your point across effectively?
That was how I felt about 11 years ago when I started my own company. I had the motivation to reach my goal and I had people surrounding me who wanted to help me reach that goal. However, defining the actions items to other in order to get there was another story!
Fortunately I was introduced to the DISC Behavior Style assessment and I found a new way to approach others when communicating that was way more effective than what I was doing initially! I also realized things about myself that maybe others say but I was too stubborn to realize - traits that are good in some ways but overbearing to others at times.
I already knew I was a goal-oriented person, but I did not understand why others did not have that drive I had especially when they were business owners too. I desire results and (here is the overbearing part) I desired results NOW! But on the other hand, I do consider my emotional well-being as important and will concentrate on making sure I support the emotional well-being of others with just as much respect.
Well I finally realized that not many people are "wired" the same way as I am. And even though I thought my way was the right way (and maybe it was), I was not considering the needs of others such as their style of decision making or even their concerns when reciprocating thoughts and ideas.
So when I pursued certification as a human behavior consultant, I changed my views on my relationships with my family, co-workers, and colleagues. It became ALL about understanding their needs instead of forcing my needs upon them. I found I worked better with my colleagues when I was able to understand what actions and considerations actually motivated them - I could speak their language (behaviorally speaking!) and accomplish communicating on the same page which benefited all of us instead of just me.
So if you are concerned about the health of your relationships in your personal or business life - consider making some time for a self-discovery! Find out if your perspectives on communicating and engaging with others need some fine tuning and be open to change! You may find out you can be even more productive and easier to relate to if you open yourself to this idea.
Last question - What could you lose if your give DISC training a try?
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Diversity as an Asset, not a Liability
Diversity is such an intriguing topic. It represents inclusivity, variety, and advancement of all kinds. Just consider where would we be today if the diverse groups of people did not come together and work as a team to create this great country of ours! Think about it, not only did our forefathers lay the foundation for future generations to live better lives, they also made some major mistakes along the way and they learned what not to do - all for us!
Unfortunately, though, people don't seem to warm up to the idea of diversity easily when trying to make sense of the differences between people. This is just my observation, but why is it that people, in general, seem to reject the ideas and thoughts of others so quickly - without considering all sides of the situation? For instance, when people are upset or feel insulted, instead of trying to find out why a comment or action was performed in the first place, the emotions run out of control and judgements are placed - many times erroneously.
I guess that is why I have enjoyed learning and practicing communication skill development - we have so much to learn from one another. I want to be "on the same page" as the person I am working with. I want to know why they are upset and what I can do to fix it. Of course, I am not as successful as I would like to be, but as I get older, I realize the value in taking my time to consider what is really happening during stressful situations. I recently was in the emergency room with a family member and I overheard a bit of a commotion in the next room. A husband was arguing with the nurse to give his wife a "bolus" or cocktail of pain killers immediately! And his reasoning was that he knew what was best for his wife since his mother was a RN for 60 years. Unfortunately the nurse became offended by the treatment of the husband and lashed out. And the situation continued for several minutes until security was called. My thoughts about the situation as I was listening to both people argue back and forth, is that I could hear the pain in the husband's voice just wanted relief for his wife who was in pain. He was projecting his - what I call - fear for his wife onto the nurse. I remember wondering if the nurse realized this and if she did, could the situation been turned around if the husband felt understood?
And how does this story relate to diversity? I guess not too much, except that if you want to embrace what different cultures, generations, religions, and so forth have to offer, opening yourself to "listen" - really listen to what others has to offer - it can create healthier, happier relationships with people. Listen to the words as well as the emotions that are put into the conversation. People in general want to feel safe and valued for their opinion - and you never know how much another person from another diverse group can bring to you to help enhance your life too!
Unfortunately, though, people don't seem to warm up to the idea of diversity easily when trying to make sense of the differences between people. This is just my observation, but why is it that people, in general, seem to reject the ideas and thoughts of others so quickly - without considering all sides of the situation? For instance, when people are upset or feel insulted, instead of trying to find out why a comment or action was performed in the first place, the emotions run out of control and judgements are placed - many times erroneously.
I guess that is why I have enjoyed learning and practicing communication skill development - we have so much to learn from one another. I want to be "on the same page" as the person I am working with. I want to know why they are upset and what I can do to fix it. Of course, I am not as successful as I would like to be, but as I get older, I realize the value in taking my time to consider what is really happening during stressful situations. I recently was in the emergency room with a family member and I overheard a bit of a commotion in the next room. A husband was arguing with the nurse to give his wife a "bolus" or cocktail of pain killers immediately! And his reasoning was that he knew what was best for his wife since his mother was a RN for 60 years. Unfortunately the nurse became offended by the treatment of the husband and lashed out. And the situation continued for several minutes until security was called. My thoughts about the situation as I was listening to both people argue back and forth, is that I could hear the pain in the husband's voice just wanted relief for his wife who was in pain. He was projecting his - what I call - fear for his wife onto the nurse. I remember wondering if the nurse realized this and if she did, could the situation been turned around if the husband felt understood?
And how does this story relate to diversity? I guess not too much, except that if you want to embrace what different cultures, generations, religions, and so forth have to offer, opening yourself to "listen" - really listen to what others has to offer - it can create healthier, happier relationships with people. Listen to the words as well as the emotions that are put into the conversation. People in general want to feel safe and valued for their opinion - and you never know how much another person from another diverse group can bring to you to help enhance your life too!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Diversity has its Moments
It's no wonder why many corporations and industries savor any information they can pass on to their employees concerning diversity in the workplace. Even though this country was founded on basic notions of combining different cultures to create a new "world" for their future generations to survive, today we seem to have forgotten how differences between people can and have contributed positively to our everyday lives. Why it is that we are so quick to place blame and judgement on others just because they are different? Why do we so easily overlook how another person's opinions might just be helpful? Why are we so quick to reject ideas of others?
There has always existed problems in human behavior where people do not like change. And getting them to act on making changes can be like pulling teeth! But funny how many times once the "change" is in place and people have become comfortable, they look back and appreciate what the change has done.
I do not think it can hurt to at least open up our minds to listen to others and their ideas. I am not saying we must agree immediately; but what if we take the time to actively listen, ponder the pros and cons, and then after we have carefully thought out the idea, possibly take a small chance and try something new. We might surprise ourselves. Our fore fathers did just that and that is why our great nation has progressed as much as it has in technology, business, etc.
If nothing else, just actively listening to another person's ideas and thoughts can help us relate to them and it can help them feel valued as a person. Someone has taken the time to stop and hear what they have said. Think about the many teenagers that believe adults do not listen to them. Is this really true? I do not believe today's teens really want you to agree with them - I think they just want to be heard; having someone attentively listen to them helps build their self esteem.
Are you willing to give it a try? Are you ready to open yourself to new ideas and possible new "things" that will help you grow? Not only can you help promote healthy relationships in the workplace, but you can be considered an asset to the business because you are actively involved with making the business environment, and products and services, better and more productive.
There has always existed problems in human behavior where people do not like change. And getting them to act on making changes can be like pulling teeth! But funny how many times once the "change" is in place and people have become comfortable, they look back and appreciate what the change has done.
I do not think it can hurt to at least open up our minds to listen to others and their ideas. I am not saying we must agree immediately; but what if we take the time to actively listen, ponder the pros and cons, and then after we have carefully thought out the idea, possibly take a small chance and try something new. We might surprise ourselves. Our fore fathers did just that and that is why our great nation has progressed as much as it has in technology, business, etc.
If nothing else, just actively listening to another person's ideas and thoughts can help us relate to them and it can help them feel valued as a person. Someone has taken the time to stop and hear what they have said. Think about the many teenagers that believe adults do not listen to them. Is this really true? I do not believe today's teens really want you to agree with them - I think they just want to be heard; having someone attentively listen to them helps build their self esteem.
Are you willing to give it a try? Are you ready to open yourself to new ideas and possible new "things" that will help you grow? Not only can you help promote healthy relationships in the workplace, but you can be considered an asset to the business because you are actively involved with making the business environment, and products and services, better and more productive.
Monday, December 13, 2010
The Difference between a Bribe and a Reward
Here is a great perspective concerning ways to motivate others. What is the difference between a bribe and a reward? Dr. Robert Rohm is an expert in personality and behavior styles. Here is what he wrote in his most recent newsletter:
"I have often shared experiences with you from my days as a school principal. I enjoyed that part of my vocational experience very much. It was always a delight to interact with teachers, students, and their parents. I especially enjoyed the children - probably because I am just a grown child myself!
In our school I created three honor rolls in which students could participate: the academic honor roll, for students who made all A's and B's on their report card; one for good conduct, for students who consistently showed an obedient, cooperative nature; and one for good attitude. (The reason I differentiated between the good conduct honor roll and the good attitude honor roll is that I quickly discovered that it was possible for some students to have good conduct, but to have a poor attitude. I encouraged them to have both.)
At the end of each grading period, we would publish the three honor rolls in our school newspaper. We would also announce them over the P.A. system and post them in the hallways. We tried to make it a very good experience so that the students would try to achieve new levels of success.
On one particular occasion I was talking to a parent who said, "Why are you always trying to bribe these children? Seems to me that every time I turn around you are offering another bribe to get them to do what they ought to do in the first place!" Because I had some very good mentors along the way toward my educational career, I had a good answer for that parent. And, just in case you have ever had the same thoughts, I would like to share my answer with you so that you can put this issue to rest once and for all.
I explained to the parent that the dictionary definition of a bribe is payment used to corrupt the behavior of another person. On the other hand, the definition of reward is payment or recognition for service or merit. In other words, for doing what is right. I jokingly asked the parent if he expected to receive a paycheck at the end of the week for the work he had done. When he answered in the affirmative, I asked if he considered that paycheck a bribe or a reward. After thinking about it for a minute, he said, "I see what you mean. There really is nothing wrong with rewarding someone for doing something right. It is not a bribe after all; it actually is a reward."
That way of thinking has been a hallmark of the way I operate on a daily basis. Don't you want to be rewarded when you do something well? I doubt very seriously if anyone would work forty hours per week for a company that paid its employees with a simple pat on the back. I think you want more than that. I think you want a paycheck. I think you want a reward!
That is not to say that we should not sometimes do something just for the sake of doing it. I believe that it is important that we do what is right regardless of the outcome or circumstances. I am just trying to differentiate and delineate between two issues that are very close to each other. When a person is bribed to do something, there is an ulterior motive and a deception involved. But, on the other hand, when a person is rewarded for doing something, it is usually open, honest and considered to be a noteworthy and worthwhile accomplishment. There is nothing wrong with the fact that we need more than just recognition for our efforts. And, it is okay when we are rewarded publicly for what we do.
Many times we parents think that our children should learn to do chores around the house just for the sake of doing chores. And, it is important that children learn self-discipline, character and integrity as they grow up. But, I don't believe there is anything wrong with giving a child an allowance for doing a good job as they learn a strong work ethic. As they endeavor to fulfill their job responsibilities, they should have the opportunity to be rewarded for their work as well. Of course, it is up to each individual parent to determine how much they will reward their children and what kind of rewards they will give them, but please do not think it is ever a bribe to pay your child to learn how to work hard, have a good attitude, and display good conduct. All of those things constitute a successful life and to be rewarded for that is certainly no bribe.
Mark Twain once said that the difference between the right word and almost right word is the difference between lightening and a lightening bug. I think there is that much difference between a bribe and a reward. Maybe it is time to sit down and think of new ways to reward your own children or those who work with you.
Perhaps you need to learn to reward yourself as well. When you are working toward a goal, decide on an appropriate reward beforehand so that you have something to look forward to once that goal has been achieved. It is a worthy thing to set goals, accomplish them, and then to be rewarded for them.
I know I want to be rewarded for the good things I do in my life and I would be willing to bet the same is true of you! Right?"
Robert A. Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.
"I have often shared experiences with you from my days as a school principal. I enjoyed that part of my vocational experience very much. It was always a delight to interact with teachers, students, and their parents. I especially enjoyed the children - probably because I am just a grown child myself!
In our school I created three honor rolls in which students could participate: the academic honor roll, for students who made all A's and B's on their report card; one for good conduct, for students who consistently showed an obedient, cooperative nature; and one for good attitude. (The reason I differentiated between the good conduct honor roll and the good attitude honor roll is that I quickly discovered that it was possible for some students to have good conduct, but to have a poor attitude. I encouraged them to have both.)
At the end of each grading period, we would publish the three honor rolls in our school newspaper. We would also announce them over the P.A. system and post them in the hallways. We tried to make it a very good experience so that the students would try to achieve new levels of success.
On one particular occasion I was talking to a parent who said, "Why are you always trying to bribe these children? Seems to me that every time I turn around you are offering another bribe to get them to do what they ought to do in the first place!" Because I had some very good mentors along the way toward my educational career, I had a good answer for that parent. And, just in case you have ever had the same thoughts, I would like to share my answer with you so that you can put this issue to rest once and for all.
I explained to the parent that the dictionary definition of a bribe is payment used to corrupt the behavior of another person. On the other hand, the definition of reward is payment or recognition for service or merit. In other words, for doing what is right. I jokingly asked the parent if he expected to receive a paycheck at the end of the week for the work he had done. When he answered in the affirmative, I asked if he considered that paycheck a bribe or a reward. After thinking about it for a minute, he said, "I see what you mean. There really is nothing wrong with rewarding someone for doing something right. It is not a bribe after all; it actually is a reward."
That way of thinking has been a hallmark of the way I operate on a daily basis. Don't you want to be rewarded when you do something well? I doubt very seriously if anyone would work forty hours per week for a company that paid its employees with a simple pat on the back. I think you want more than that. I think you want a paycheck. I think you want a reward!
That is not to say that we should not sometimes do something just for the sake of doing it. I believe that it is important that we do what is right regardless of the outcome or circumstances. I am just trying to differentiate and delineate between two issues that are very close to each other. When a person is bribed to do something, there is an ulterior motive and a deception involved. But, on the other hand, when a person is rewarded for doing something, it is usually open, honest and considered to be a noteworthy and worthwhile accomplishment. There is nothing wrong with the fact that we need more than just recognition for our efforts. And, it is okay when we are rewarded publicly for what we do.
Many times we parents think that our children should learn to do chores around the house just for the sake of doing chores. And, it is important that children learn self-discipline, character and integrity as they grow up. But, I don't believe there is anything wrong with giving a child an allowance for doing a good job as they learn a strong work ethic. As they endeavor to fulfill their job responsibilities, they should have the opportunity to be rewarded for their work as well. Of course, it is up to each individual parent to determine how much they will reward their children and what kind of rewards they will give them, but please do not think it is ever a bribe to pay your child to learn how to work hard, have a good attitude, and display good conduct. All of those things constitute a successful life and to be rewarded for that is certainly no bribe.
Mark Twain once said that the difference between the right word and almost right word is the difference between lightening and a lightening bug. I think there is that much difference between a bribe and a reward. Maybe it is time to sit down and think of new ways to reward your own children or those who work with you.
Perhaps you need to learn to reward yourself as well. When you are working toward a goal, decide on an appropriate reward beforehand so that you have something to look forward to once that goal has been achieved. It is a worthy thing to set goals, accomplish them, and then to be rewarded for them.
I know I want to be rewarded for the good things I do in my life and I would be willing to bet the same is true of you! Right?"
Robert A. Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.
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